


All or Nothing

by Janly



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-28
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-01-06 11:59:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1106555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janly/pseuds/Janly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Actions speak louder than words and Alex's actions could be heard by Hope from miles away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Look at Me. Please!

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first multi-chapter piece. I already have the next two chapters written so i'll try to update every week. Not sure where I see the story heading but here's hoping it all works out. Enjoy!!
> 
> This Picture is associated with the first scene in the first chapter:  
> http://sportsfanatic3.tumblr.com/post/60482053456
> 
>  Follow my tumblr: http://sportsfanatic3.tumblr.com/

“Look I get that your mad at me, but do you really have to stoop so low as to not even look at me.” I whisper harshly to her.

 

It may not have been the best idea since all she does after is roll her eyes and puts on her trademark Hope Solo bitch face.

 

“Hope I’m sorry” I say trying a new softer tactic. I go for her hand but she snatches it away. “ When are we going to talk about it, this can’t go on forever.”

 

“Just watch the damn game Alex” Hope says without ever looking me in the eye, but at least she acknowledged my presence. Progress, I guess. Just keep taking baby steps; something has got to give eventually. At least that is what I keep telling myself.

* * *

 

“Hope, I know you’re mad, but I’m getting worried. Where are you?” I yell frantically to her voicemail.

 

We were supposed to leave the game and drive home together. But as soon as the game was over and Tom finished his post-game speech she bolted from the locker room and sped off without me.

 

I call Carli hoping that she would be able to provide some sense of comfort for me

 

“Carli, I know if she’s with you or told you where she is, you swore to her you wouldn’t tell me, but I just need to know she’s safe. Is she okay?”

 

“She’s fine Alex. At least she’s physically fine. You really fucked up.”

 

“I know I did. I just wish I also knew how to fix it. She won’t even let me try.”

 

“Just give her some space now, she’ll come to you when she’s ready.” Carli advises and with the click of the phone she’s gone.

 

I'm left in this big house with nothing but my own thoughts to haunt me tonight.


	2. I'm a Coward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here It is. Finally an update and its a little bit longer than I originally intended!!! Hope you like it!!!

I woke up this morning to movement in the room. I was frightened till I saw those blue eyes reflecting in the mirror.

“You’re home.”

“Sorry I woke you. I just came to pick up my things.” Hope says as she throws her clothes into her suitcases.

“Wait. What are you doing? Why are you packing?”

“Just go back to bed,” she says as she continues to pack away all her things.

“No!” I yell. “What the hell are you doing?” I get up and begin taking her clothes from the suitcase and put them back into our closet.

“What the hell Alex? Stop!”

“No, No, No. You’re leaving me. No.” I say as I fall to the ground clutching her jersey as the tears begin to fall from my face.

“Can you blame me? I proposed to you and you said yes. And then two days later you fall into bed with your ex. I'm sorry if I can’t forgive you for that.”

“Just let me explain. Just give me a chance I can make it right.”

“No explanation necessary. I let you in. I gave you my heart and you broke it. I can’t even look at you anymore let alone talk to you. We’re over.”

She stormed out of the room and out of my life leaving me in a hysterical fit of tears.

Tobin busted in the room a little while and just held me.

“How’d you know?”

 

“Hope called.”

* * *

 

 “I was scared Tobin.”

“Scared of what? You went after her Alex. You tried for months to get her to open up and let you in, she finally did. You got everything you wanted.”

“I know I did, but I was afraid I was going to lose it all. It felt too good to be true, like it was just a dream.”

“So what? You decide to sleep with someone else to ensure it was reality. I'm sorry if I don’t agree with that logic.”

“I don’t agree with it either. Dammit Tobin we didn’t even sleep together.”

“Wait...What Alex?”

“ We didn’t sleep together. I didn’t cheat.”

“Then why are you allowing Hope to believe so?”

 

“Because I’m a coward.”

* * *

 

“She didn’t cheat.” Tobin says to Hope

“I know”

“You know yet you’re letting her suffer”

“I’m not.”

“But you are, you ended it and for no reason apparently”

“I ended it because at the end of the day she may not have cheated but she still thought about it, she still choose to put herself in that situation and she is still apprehensive about our relationship. I'm not going to be with someone and plan a wedding if they’re not sure that they want to be with me.”

“She’s literally loosing her mind Hope, I'm not sure if she can survive this.”

“She can and she will. She’s stronger than anyone gives her credit for. We just can’t be an us right now. Maybe in the future, who knows? But I can’t constantly live my life in a state of fear, wondering if she’s all in.”

“I get it. I can’t say that I like it, but I understand. Hopefully she will too.”


	3. New Years Trials

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I hope you enjoy. Really busy this upcoming month and I'm experiencing major writers block but i'll try to update as soon as possible.

 I had never been more nervous walking into to camp today. Not for the World Cup or the Olympics. I was seeing Hope for the first time in about two months. We had plans to spend Christmas together before everything fell apart. I missed her so much that it literally made me sick to my stomach.

 

I walked in the training facility too see Hope and Abby talking.

 

“Baby Horse! How’s the ankle?”

 

“Hello Abby. How are you? How was your holiday?”

 

“Hi Alex. Happy New Year!! etc. etc. … Now how’s your ankle?”

 

“It’s feeling a lot better, I’m here to get it checked out by the trainers.”

 

I look up to see a quiet and uncomfortable Hope. I chance it and decide to strike up a conversation. I’ve missed her voice so much.

 

“Hi Hope.” I say meekly praying for some acknowledgement.

 

“Hey Alex. Happy New Year.” she responds and I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

 

Abby looks between us, a look of confusion comes across her face as she begins to pry at our very platonic greeting.

 

“Abby don’t” Hope says before Abby can ask anything

 

“Hope what is going on?”

 

“Abby, not now. Later.” Hope says with a stone cold face and Abby just nods

 

I look to Hope and she’s doing everything in her power to avoid me. I couldn’t take it anymore. I excused my self and found the nearest bathroom and let my emotions overcome me.

* * *

Hopes POV

 

 “Hope! What the hell was that with Alex? Three months ago, you two couldn’t keep your hands off of each other. You were planning a wedding for Christ sake, so why the hell did it feel like the temperature hit below zero when she talked to you.”

 

“Abby, I said later.”

 

“It is later Hope, goddammit she’s wearing a ring you put on her finger and you can’t even hug her. What happened?”

 

“She cheated!!” I yelled

 

“She what…” Abby gasps

 

“Well she didn’t actually cheat but she nearly did. I ended it right before the holidays. She was confused and she nearly slept with her ex and I refused to stay in a relationship with someone who wasn’t sure.”

 

“Wow. I'm sorry Hope”

 

“She doesn’t know, that I know she didn’t cheat. I don’t know why I haven’t said anything. I think it’s my way of punishing her or getting revenge. Maybe its because its easier for me to stay away if I act like she did cheat because all I want to do is hold her.” I say solemnly trying to fight back the tears

 

Abby walks over and puts her hand on my shoulder; she begins to hug me when Kelley, Alex and Syd walk in.


	4. The Air I Breathe

Chapter 4 (Alex’s POV)

 “You knew this whole time”

 “Alex, let me explain”

 “No, Hope. I don’t want to hear it. You knew this whole time that I hadn’t betrayed you and you let me suffer. You ended are relation…

 “But you did betray me. You may not have went through with it but you still voluntarily put yourself in that situation, you willingly jeopardized our relationship

 “I was scared

 “And I wasn’t. Gosh Alex, I was never supposed to get married or be happy. I don’t do happy endings, my life is supposed to be sad and tragic and then you come along and change all of that, and then I start to believe that maybe I deserve love maybe I deserve to be happy. But as soon as I let my guard down, the universe took it away. I get that you were scared, I get that you were nervous but you should have come and talked to me. You should have fuckin’ talked to me, but you didn’t you went back to him and now you expect me to forgive that.”

 “Hope…”

 “No Alex, what would’ve happened if we got married and we got in our first big fight and you were scared of what would happen, would you actually follow through with it, would you actually sleep with him?”

 “I would never do that to you…”

 “But you did. You did.

 “Goddammit Hope! Will you please be quiet and let me talk?”

 “No, Alex. I wont. Because quite frankly, actions speak louder than words, and well... yours are screaming at me to cut my losses and run.” She says as she begins to stalk out of the hotel room

 "Hope, wait!” I say as I grab her arm to stall her fleeing figure. “I love you”

 “Well sometimes love isn’t enough” she snatches her arm back and continues her exit out of the room and out of my life.

 

* * *

 

 I see Abby look towards me and back at the door that Hope just fled through. She looks like she’s having an internal struggle on whom to choose: the new young superstar she began to mentor who turned into a friend, or the fellow vet who she hasn’t always supported. Before long she was out of the room and chasing after Hope and I couldn’t be more grateful. Hope needed someone, as much as she hated to admit it; Hope needs a shoulder to lean on every once in a while, and I guess its not me anymore.

 

 Realization hits me, once again that my relationship is over. Another attempt at trying to get my fiancé back has failed and the emotion overwhelms me. I begin to hyperventilate when Kelley and Syd rush to my side, coaxing me to breathe, begging me to breathe. All I can think though, is what’s the point? The one person I lived for, I have ever lived for, just walked out of my life. 

 

* * *

 I wake up in an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar room. I try to move but I feel strong arms tighten their grip around me, holding on to me for dear life. It doesn’t take much longer for me to realize that those arms belong to a sleeping Hope, and a slight turn of my head confirms my prediction.

 “Oh Thank God you’re awake. You’re fine” I hear Kelley whisper.

 “Why are you so worried? What happened? “

 “Do you really not remember?” Syd inquires in a hushed tone, all of us trying not to wake the sleeping goalie

 I shake my head no, confused as to my current state

 “You had a break down” Kelley says, “It was so scary. One second you were fine, the next, you were on the ground refusing to breathe.”

 “Its like you wanted to die” Syd interjects “ We didn’t know what to do so we ran a got Hope. She wrapped her arms around you and you started to breathe again. You were unresponsive but you were breathing”

 “That’s because she’s my air” I whisper towards Hope as I caress her face

 “What?” Kelley asks

 “Nothing, just continue.”

 “Well she brought you back up to our room and held you in her arms to you fell asleep and she wasn’t to far behind you. She’s been sleeping for a while now”

 The door begins to open and you all turn to see a worried Abby and Carli walk in.

 “Thank God you’re okay Alex! Is Hope still sleeping?” Abby inquires

 “Yea, she’s been out for a while now” Syd responds

 “Good. She hasn’t gotten a good night of sleep since the break-up she needs this. She needs you Alex. You better fix this” Carli demands “She’s lost without you”

 “And I’m breathless without her. I promise you, I’m going to do everything in my power to make this right,” I say as I turn back to my sleeping goalie and wrap my arms around her like there is no one else in the room, like it’s just us against the world. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am soo sorry I haven't updated in a while, but here it is...finally. I've been really busy with school, my computer has been stupid, and I had major writers block. But somehow during finals week when I'm supposed to be studying, I get inspiration to write again. Just my luck... I'll be accepting prompts through my tumblr for some more short fics @ http://sportsfanatic3.tumblr.com/ (Anything to do with them having a long distance relationship would be preferred) Thanks for sticking with me and I promise to be better with my updates from now on


	5. Hell Hath No Fury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Best of Times and The Worst of Times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY!!! Sorry for the delay. The end is very near so you won't have to put up with my delayed chapter updates for much longer.
> 
> Also sorry for all the grammar mistakes in the previous chapters and the ones that are most likely in this one as well. I suck at grammar, and despite the numerous times I proofread my work, I always find errors :( Thanks for putting up with it so far!

I wake up in a predicament I haven’t found myself in a while. I wake up in her arms. Arms that I missed, Arms that I need but I’m afraid to have.

I gently disentangle myself trying not to wake her, but Alex was always a light sleeper, and she was always quick to wake as soon as I got out of bed.

“Hope?” she asked in her sleep-ridden voice.

“I’m glad you’re doing better Alex. I should probably head back to my room now.”

“Hope, wait. Can you please just stay? We can talk…or not talk, I just can’t be without you right now. It hurts too much.”

“Alex, I can’t… It hurts too much to be with you.”

“Please Hope”, she rises from the bed and blocks my path to the door. I look up at her and I see the face I could never say no to. Her stupid pout and big, beautiful eyes. All I want to do is kiss her and make everything better.

“You always used to say that despite whatever happens, you would be there when I needed you. Well I need you now.”

I’ve grown a new fascination for the hotel room floor as I can’t seem to take my eyes off of it when she tilts my head towards her’s…

“I’ll always need you Hope”

And with that declaration and her enticing eyes, all prior restraint I had dissolved. I lean in for a kiss and once our lips met, I was home again.

* * *

 

We woke up in each others arms the next morning, and the feeling was all to familiar. Limbs intertwined, sheets tangled and clothes scattered on the floor. It was everything that I wanted, but that voice in the back of my head kept telling me to run. Alex could tell, so she clung tighter to me, but the harder she held on the louder the voices became. She eventually let go and decided to take a shower. The moment I heard the water running, I rushed out of the room as fast as I could.

I skipped breakfast that morning, and since she was still injured, she wasn't at training. I managed to avoid her the whole day, but I knew it wouldn't last, especially with the team dinner and meeting.

I walked into the hotel dining room and sat at the table furthest from hers but I could feel her eyes watching me. I stole a glance when she wasn't looking and she looked distraught. The pressure all became too much and I stormed out of the dining hall.

Tobin wasn't too far behind me as she caught up to me and grabbed my arm.

“What the hell?” I yelled

“I think I should be asking you that question. So you sleep with Alex and give her hope that there's a chance for you too, and just leave. What the hell Hope?” she ranted at me

“Its not like that Tobin…

“Then what is it like Hope, because from where I’m standing that’s pretty messed up”

“I don’t know, I really don’t know Tobin. All I know is that last night things went way to far…

“You don’t say” Tobin interrupted sarcastically

“And… This morning I realized what happened and knew that I wasn't ready to jump back into a relationship. My mind keeps telling me to run fast and to run far and this time I’m hellbent on listening to it. Because when I don't, I get burned and Alex breaks my heart”

“Are you sure you didn't lose it, because your actions were more like ones of a heartless asshole looking for revenge than a broken hearted girl looking for healing. And I know you, you didn't do this to hurt her, right? Did you?” She asks with a raised brow, with an apprehensive tone, almost scared for my response.

“Hell hath no fury…” I respond and walk away leaving Tobin shocked and confused. When really I know that I was just as invested into last night as Alex was but I couldn't face her the next morning. I don’t trust our relationship anymore and if I would have stayed, there is no doubt in my mind that I would have taken her back. But my mind told me to run.


	6. Rare Circumstances

Chapter 6 (Hope’s POV)

I was walking around the hotel grounds when Carli’s voice stopped me.

“You know you're not the most liked person on the team right now?

“When am I ever?” I responded as I resumed walking hoping she wouldn't follow me.

“Why did you do it Hope? I just don't get it; you could never hurt Alex like that.” Carli asked inquisitively.

I stopped my movements again and let out a deep sigh “I didn’t, okay. I had no intention of sleeping with her and leaving right after. It all just became too much and I felt myself slipping back to being happy and engaged and in love…so I had to leave. I would've jumped right back into our relationship, even though we still haven't fixed what’s wrong. We still haven't addressed our issues. I just had to go… It felt like I was suffocating.”

“Hope” she said sincerely “Then why did you lie to Tobin? Why didn't you tell her what you just said to me?”

“Because it’s easier if Alex hates me. It’s easier not to be compelled to go rushing back to what we had” I said as looked away from her strong eyes toward the stars.

“What about what you could have Hope? I know she hurt you, but she was scared. People do stupid things when their scared… Look at what you did this morning” Carli says before she walks away to leave me with my thoughts.

* * *

I was sitting near the pool watching the stars when I felt Alex walk up behind me.

“Hurt me like I hurt you… Is that the game we’re playing now?” I hear her trying to be angry but the way her voice cracks reveals the hurt she’s trying to hide.

“Did you ever hear of the story about the sun and the moon” I asked.

“What are you talking about?” Alex responds in her annoyed tone, I’m pretty sure is only reserved for me.

“The sun loved the moon so much, he died every night just to let her breathe. Two souls deeply in love, but in order to function they can never be together, except in rare circumstances. Maybe we’re the sun and the moon. We love each other deeply but we have to be apart to be happy. Maybe our rare circumstance was our amazing relationship but its time for me to die and let you go so you can be happy.”

“Baby, no!” She nearly yells. “I don't believe that for one second. I think were more like plato’s ideal of true love. We we’re once connected, 4 arms and 4 legs. We we’re cut in half and spent our lives searching for each other. But we got lucky… We found each other. We are the same soul baby… we’re the same heart. I am yours and you are mine.” She says with tears rolling down from her eyes.

“Then why did you go to him Alex. If I'm it for you why'd you seek him out?”

“The same reason you ran this morning… I was scared” she responded and I guess I couldn't hide the perplexed look on my face.

“I know you better than you know yourself. I felt you pulling away this morning, and I tried to hold on. I tried to assure you, but you just kept resisting; so I let you go because I knew you were as scared as I was. And I know that my actions caused that fear in you and I'm sorry.

That night was all a mistake. We met up for drinks to talk. He wanted to congratulate me, he was genuinely happy for me, for us, he knows how much I love you. And I was nervous and wanted to talk to a friend. We just had a lot to drink that night and there was no way I was making it back home, so we got a cab back to his place. I slept in the bed and he was on the floor. His sister found us the next morning and took a pic. I don't know if she thought we were back together and was extremely happy, or just thought the sight was funny, but for whatever reason she posted it on twitter. He realized it a few hours later after I was already home, but it was too late and you saw it, then our world came crashing down.

“He called me and explained the picture to me.” I said.

“Then why were you still so angry? Why did it have to turn in to this drama filled fiasco?” She asked, exhaustion filling her voice with a hint of frustration.

“Because…” I started to say as I sighed. “Because you talked to him about how you were feeling before you talked to me. Because I was scared about our future and if you were nervous about us also, then maybe we were making a mistake. You were always there to reassure me about our love, about us, to tell me that I was enough. But learning that you had doubts…well it terrified me. Maybe I did make a mistake, maybe I wasn't ready, maybe I wasn't good enough."

"You were always good enough, and you always will be. You're it for me. There is nothing more I want in this world then to be your wife… Well maybe a world cup” she says as we both start to laugh.

“But seriously I love you with all my heart. Being with you is the most natural thing in the world to me, it comes more natural then scoring goals.” she said as her words started to reassure me about us and our love.

“I love you, I still love you, I’ll always love you, but I'm scared. I don't know if I'm ready to jump back into this, but I know I want to be with you.” I start to say as I see her fidgeting with her ring before she takes it off.

“What are you doing?” I ask beginning to panic

“I’m giving this back to you…” she says as she hands me her engagement ring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is... Finally. This is a result of me procrastinating from studying...sorry for the cliff hanger though!!


	7. The Whole Nine Yards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short update, but I think you guys are going to be rally happy with it :) Thank you for all the amazing comments. They gave me the motivation I needed to update this story for you all who have been patiently waiting. I love all the support.

_**Chapter 7 (Hope’s POV)** _

 

“Alex, don’t do this” I start to say, and I hate myself for the quiver that begins to creep in my voice.

 

“Hope, I’m not ending things.” She says quickly to calm my rising nerves. “But I am giving this ring back to you.”

 

“What? Why I don't understand?”

 

“Because I want you to put this ring back on my finger once you trust me again, I want us to start over, go back to the beginning. Go back to trusting each other again.”

 

“I don’t know if I can, there’s to much history between us, I don't know if I can forget it all.” I say to Alex with fear present in my voice.

 

“Just try for me. I’m not asking you to forget the past, but I am asking you to help us build a new future, a better one. I love you too much to let this go.”

 

“Okay.” I say a little hesitantly.

 

“Okay?” Alex ask one more time.

 

“Yes, okay but you're going to have to woo me. I want flowers, fancy dresses, expensive wine, the whole nine yards.” I say with a huge smile on my face.

 

“Yes General Solo” she jokingly says.

 

“Hey only my backline can call me that” I sternly say to her, but she can see the smirk on my face, taking away all the bite from my words.

 

“Whatever.” She rolls her eyes at me knowing I was joking. “So seven tomorrow night?”

 

“Umm no! I said the whole nine yards, you're going to have to try a lot harder than that to ask me out.”

 

“What did I get myself into?” She says before she grabs me and leans in to kiss me.

 

“I usually don’t kiss before the first date.” I say with my trademark smirk on my face.

 

“Something tells me your willing to make an exception.” She says before she kisses me reminding me exactly where I belong. In this moment, in her arms, forever.


	8. The Best Year: Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One Year Later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for going on this unnecessarily long journey with me, but what a fun it has been. I hope you enjoy the last installment of my first ever chapter piece. I'm currently at a loss for ideas, so even though I want to write, I have nothing to write about. Please send me an suggestions if you have and I really hope you enjoyed the story along the way.

**Epilogue**

**(HOPES POV)**  

“Babe, its been one year since our second first date, and I can honestly say its been one of the best years of my life.” I say to Alex.

 

“Well I can honestly say that this has been THE best year of my life. A World Cup championship and the girl of my dreams what more could a girl ask for?” Alex says, always trying to one-up me.

 

“How about this?” I ask pulling out the engagement ring that ruled our world a little over a year ago, since I’m not know for backing down from a challenge.

 

“Hope?” Alex responds stunned.

 

“You once said I should put this back on your finger when I trusted you again.”

 

“Yes, yes I did.”

 

“Well I trust you again, and we’re in a great place right now, even better than before.”

 

“Babe…”

 

“But I’m not going to propose to you this time.”

 

“What?” A shocked and pissed off Alex reply’s.

 

“When we got back together I said I wanted you to woo me. I’m just giving this ring back to you so you know that when you ask me to marry you, I’ll say yes. And remember I want the whole nine yards.” I say with a big smirk on my face.

 

“Wow! You know you’re a pain in the ass right?”

 

“Yes, but I’m your pain in the ass. Forever”

 

“If I ask you to marry me.” Alex says with all the sarcasm in the world.

 

“When you ask me to marry you. We both know its only a matter of time Alex, and you better get to it. We’re not getting any younger here. Just remember I want the whole…

 

“Yea yea, the whole nine yards, I got it Solo.”

 

“That’s General Solo to you.” I say firmly.

 

“I thought only your backline could call you that.” Recalling that playful moment, we had one year ago.

 

“I think I can make an exception for my soon to be fiancé… again.”

 

“I love you Hope.”

 

“I love you too, Alex. Always”

 

**Fin.**

 

 


End file.
